Coach Cassandra Rae

Dedicate an hour to your success and join us to:

* Expose disempowering family beliefs & patterns
* Create new & empowering perspectives
* Brainstorm simple & practical ways to put them into action
* Connect with others who champion the same goal

Over the phone on Tuesday, August 5, 2008 at 12pm Pacific Daylight Time {this call will be recorded}

This group is for adults and teens who are:

* Ready to move past the insecurity
* Willing to receive uplifting support and acknowledgment
* Open to learning new perspectives and skills

Click here to register

Tags: confidence, insecurity, Life Coaching

I searched the wall for something, anything to hold my attention away from the poking and prodding I knew was going on. I settled on counting the dots on the ceiling tiles, which got old quick. So instead I searched for groups of three dots. I like things that come in threes – just like my two sisters and me.

“Can you feel this?” he wondered.

“No,” I answered honestly. Couldn’t feel a thing. Not the needle prick. Not even the loneliness.

“Okay. Can I have an 18 gauge needle please?” he asked her.

Crap! Why the heck do I have to know that that’s a huge needle?!

I searched the ceiling frantically for the next bundle of three. There’s one!

Okay, now breathe.

I noticed that my leg muscles were tensed and I slowly released the tension. I remembered how when I gave birth I learned how to relax through the pain, which really helped relieve it. But, in all honesty, I wasn’t in any pain as the doctor inserted his large needle into my breast and pressed into the cyst. Too bad for me it wasn’t a fragile bubble of fluid just waiting to be popped. Nope. Instead the cyst turned out to be as hard to crack as a walnut.

The doctor would lean into the needle in order to penetrate the cyst and each time he applied more pressure I would tense and hold my breath. I was seriously afraid he would push too hard and the needle would slip puncturing the dreaded vessel again. I fought back the bloody images.

Instead I searched the trios of dots looking for anything that resembled the flowers on my sister Nancy’s blouse. When I was in labor with Carina, Nancy was my coach and she wore this v-neck t-shirt with tiny pink flowers all over it. When I had contractions I would immerse myself in the flowers, grip her hand, and the pain would subside even when the contractions didn’t stop. I remember feeling so safe with her by my side and I lay there alone in the breast spa wishing she was there with me.

“Got it! Can I have a 5 cc tube please?” he asked her.

“What color is it?” I asked and looked towards him for the first time since being poked.

“It’s greenish brown, which means that there is no need to send it to the lab.” He held up the tube of fluid he had withdrawn from my boob. It looked reddish brown to me, but it didn’t really matter as long as it was normal cyst fluid that doesn’t even need to be tested for cancer.

For the first time through this whole lumpy bumpy breast ordeal, there was quantifiable, touchable proof that I don’t have cancer. Yay! It’s such a relief to climb off this huge table, strip the cotton robe, and skip on outta here without waiting for more test results. I’ll take my deflated, but healthy boob with me and see ya in 6 months for a check-up. Thanks, Doc!

The Breast Spa {part 1}
The Breast Spa {part 2}

Tags: boob, breast, cancer, lumpy bumpy breast, sisters

The next book for our book club is Gentlemen and Players by Joanne Harris. I’m looking forward to reading a novel written by a woman. Our first two picks were both written by men and interestingly enough the main characters were women. Wally Lamb did a much better job writing a woman in She’s Come Undone because he delved pretty deep into her process and I felt like I stepped right into her skin – which was quite disturbing actually! The last book was Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins and it was a spectacular read, but very intellectual. Ultimately, it was a political statement about how politics and religion suck. The woman Robbins wrote was super horny with a huge head of unmanageable hair. I guess she was supposed to be a modern-day Jezebel. I didn’t care so much how he wrote the characters – they didn’t really flesh out – but, the book was funny as hell and I loved how he ripped to shreds a whole bunch of everything. In a weird and twisted way, he was encouraging people to look inward for happiness and to connect with God while embracing our humanity, which is a message that I really like. It’s just too bad that there’s so much craziness to get to the core message. But, then again maybe he buried it on purpose – to force the reader to go after it, to work for it.

Anyhow, I’m looking forward to our next read because I think it’s cool to read a book that someone else picked out. The person who picked it says that it’s “about a mysterious plot to bring down a boys boarding school in England…themes of class and an old-fashioned professor who has been discounted by the newer faculty who figures out what is really going on….” Sounds good!

Tags: book club, books, reading

{note: read part 1 first}

“Okay.  Some warm gel now, ” he said.

“Oh!  That’s so nice that it’s not cold,” I said surprised as he smeared the warm gel over my boob and pressed the ultrasound paddle against my lumpy, bumpy breast.

“We’re like the spa,” he replied smiling.

It’s true.  They kinda are like the spa with the robe, dim lighting, soft music, and warm gel…except for the part where he sticks me with a big, fat needle!

After a few minutes of slipping and sliding around my boob he said, “I don’t see a mass.  I see a cyst and a little oval shape behind this vessel.”

That must have been the vessel the surgeon hit, I thought.

“But, I don’t think it’s a mass,” he continues, “I think it’s an injury to the artery from the last biopsy.  Look at this.”

He goes on to show me where the cyst is.  It’s buried underneath a lot of breast tissue.  He said it’s probably been there for a long time even though I just found it a month ago.  Then he shows me the other dark spot and there’s this red and blue line pulsing in front of it.  He says it’s the artery and that because it’s traversing the dark spot, that it’s probably not a mass and most likely nothing to be concerned about.

Honestly, I couldn’t make the connection between what he was saying and what he was showing me.  The screen was fuzzy and things kept moving.  He spoke in probably’s and most likely’s.  I wanted to see and hear something concrete; something I could wrap my hands around and hold onto.  Instead the only thing to grasp was faith in his opinion, which he seemed kind of skeptical about himself.  But, he was certain about aspirating the cyst instead of doing another biopsy, which was such a relief to me because that meant no more spring-loaded needles!

She came over and wiped off all the now-cold gel and washed my breast with red sponges of betadine soap.  Chills ran up and down my body.

“Can you roll over towards the wall please?” she asked and wedged some cushions underneath my side and bottom to prop me up.

“Okay, now lift your arm up over your head and rest it on the pillow.”

Could this be any more uncomfortable? My fingers stared to tingle and I wondered how long I could hold this twisted and skewed position.  Well, if my arm and back hurt, then maybe my boob will hurt less!

He draped sterile towels over my chest leaving only my boob exposed.  “Please don’t touch these,” he instructed.  “Okay, a little pinch now.”

I turned my head away from him searching the blank white wall for something to focus on.  Why didn’t they have beautiful artwork in here like they did in the hallway?  What kind of spa is this anyways?!

Tags: biopsy, boob, breast, cancer, health, lumpy bumpy breast, ultrasound

If us women paid them as much attention as the guys do then maybe breast cancer would be a thing of the past!

Photo artwork by classic perfection

“Ms. Rae?”

“Yes,” I answered standing up.

“Right this way please,” she pointed through the doorway and down the hall.

“Can my husband come too?” I hoped.

“No, not right now. Maybe later. We’ll see what the doctor has to say.”

“Okay,” I shrugged and walked through the door alone.

She led me to a dressing room just like the kind they have at Macys filled with multiple stalls and doors with sliding chrome locks.

“Take everything off from the waist up and put this on,” she instructed handing me a thick cotton robe with the words Breast Center embroidered in pink across the front pocket.

–

When I came out of the dressing room she wasn’t there. Do I go find her? Is she waiting for me somewhere else? I glanced around the corner in the hallway and didn’t see anyone. So instead I sat down and started reading People magazine. There was another lady waiting, but she didn’t look up and I just knew it was better to sit quietly without talking. My husband was only a few steps away behind the closed waiting room door, but I felt so alone.

“Okay, Ms. Rae, come with me.”

Tucking my lonliness safely away within the pages of People, I put the magazine back on the table and shuffled down the hall in my robe, jeans, and red tennies.

“How does your husband do with blood and needles?” she asked.

“Yeah, not so good. I guess it’s better if he waits outside.” Oh my gosh. Am I seriously giving up the comfort of my husband voluntarily? I really wanted to feel the touch of his fingers around my hand. Something to hold onto. Eyes to look into that would show me that I’m safe. That I’m okay. But, I gave it up. I let it go. And I ignored my need for his presence to spare him a few moments with a needle and possibly some blood. I pushed it all down to make it easier for him.

–

I climbed up the stairs and made myself as comfortable as possible on the cushioned table.

“Is music okay? she asked.

“Sure,” I replied and she flipped on some classical tunes.

“I’m going to go get the doctor now. I’ll be right back,” she said dimming the lights before leaving me alone.

And as soon as she left, it hit me: the vulnerability. I felt so small on this huge table and even the ultrasound machines were bigger than me. I glanced around the room looking for something to make me feel better. Tears began to swell. I wanted to run and go get my husband. But, the door opened and there they were. I quickly shoved the tears back into the deepest, darkest part of my soul and looked at the doctor.

“Hi, Ms. Rae,” he said. “Are you ready for your procedure?”

“Yes,” I lied with a smile.

Tags: biopsy, boob, breast, cancer, needles

The Family of Sunflowers

Photo Artwork by job_earth

Over the weekend I got angry. And for those of you who know me, you know that I am usually an abundant fountain of peace and serenity. But, there are simply times in life when getting angry is exactly what’s called for in order to make some much-needed changes.

My husband and I invest a ton of time, energy, and money in our role as parent. Lately we haven’t gotten the return on investment that we would like and now I am determined to shake things up. Furthermore, I’m determined to do so without spending more energy and draining the life out of us. The thing is we put so much pressure on ourselves. If feels like that is actually our biggest challenge. We don’t need to invest more energy. We need to invest differently. We need to give more where it counts and give less where it doesn’t. I have no idea how I’m going to make this happen. But, I know I can do it!

One thing that I’ve already learned through our recent experiences is that if I am working double and triple time to fix and solve my teen’s problems that they don’t have to. I mean, why should they if someone else is willing to do all the work? So part of how I’m going to do things differently is to approach parenting with a different perspective. Here it is:

It is not my responsibility to fix my teen’s problems. It is my responsibility to teach them how to fix their own problems; how to find, create, and discover their own solutions because the longer I try to fix their life, the longer they will blame me for it. Simply stepping into this perspective and approaching their challenges from a different place really empowers me. It allows me to see their challenges with more clarity from a healthy distance. Plus, I am being respectful of their impending adulthood and independence.

Even though I do not like getting angry, I am so grateful that anger came knocking on my heart and woke me up because now I’m more inspired than ever. I am on a mission to improve my family life and relationships and I am dedicated to sharing it all with you as I go. I have half a dozen articles brewing in my heart, mind, and soul to help people transform their family relationships, learn how to use anger as a tool, and all without becoming a control freak or burning out. If you’d like to be a part of this process, then I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter. Simply send an email to simplewayscoach@aweber.com and you will be signed up to receive my monthly newsletter, free eCourse (coming soon) and all sorts of subscriber specials. Let’s take this journey together!

Tags: Family, Parenting, Relationships

The above photo was an accident and I simply love it. So many of life’s jewels are revealed through mess ups. What can you transform into a life lesson?

Sometimes the foreground of our family life can appear pretty and put together; while the background is dark. What’s in the background of your family life?

When I walked past this flower I was captured by the lighting. What are you highlighting in your family life and relationships?

I just love that we have enough sense to plant and nurture flowers in our concrete jungles. Within the next 24 hours, go for a walk and intentionally notice all the beauty in your neighborhood.

Tags: Family, Life Coaching, life lessons, perspective, photography

Day 43: No Love, No Glory

Photo artwork by Liel Bomberg

I love teens. I think they are super cool human beings with such vitality, humor, and style. I love spending time with them and I super enjoy when I have the opportunity to work with teens. It’s such a challenging time in life and I know that when I was a teen I needed more support than I received. I pay attention to the teens in my community. I look them in the eye and say hi. I also notice how people treat them and vice versa. So I thought it would be neat to share with you some of what I’ve learned about teens in my life and career as a Teen & Family Coach…

Teens are often criticized for things that come natural.

Teens aren’t always taken seriously and they are commonly discriminated against simply for their age.

Teens are expected to behave like adults even though they aren’t adults.

Teens aren’t adults – no matter how much they look and act like them, they aren’t and should be treated accordingly – this does not mean we get to look down on them – it does mean that we get to be ultra compassionate and understanding.

Teens are expected to have things figured out that most adults haven’t figured out yet.

Teens can see right through adults.

Teens are just learning the range of human emotions and are in the process of learning how to deal with them. A lot of adults don’t know how to appropriately process their emotions. This is a human challenge; not a teen challenge.

Teens push boundaries. It is human nature.

Parents cannot control their teens (or anyone else for that matter). They can only control how they respond to their teens.

Teens need to take risks.

Teens need at least one adult outside of their parents that they can turn to for support, guidance, and love.

Teens need to express themselves.

When teens are freaking out and lashing out, they need parents who can remain calm and hold them accountable.

Teens know how to push their parents buttons.

Teens need a safe space to learn how to take responsibility.

Teens are ultra sensitive about their bodies – who isn’t really?!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, perspective, and ideas about your TeenView. What parts of my list do you agree with? Disagree with? And what would you like to add? Please, comment away!

Tags: adults, Family, teens

This morning during my meditation God and I had this conversation:

~ God, what is my greatest challenge in building a coaching practice?
{note: this question was inspired by Cheri Huber in my daily read of Making a Change for Good A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline}

~ Not believing in yourself.

~ But, why? Why don’t I believe in myself? When I do what I do, I do it well. And when I see others do what I do, I feel I can do it better. Why don’t I have a solid sense of confidence? Oh my! I just revealed that I believe there’s a “once and for all” cure to insecurity!

~ It does not work that way.

~ I know! So why am I hitting my head against the wall?

~ Because it feels good to at least a part of you.

~ But, why? Oh my goodness, because I can control it! I can control ramming my head against the wall. But, I can’t control whether or not someone hires me. This owning your own business thing is like a perpetual, never-ending job interview!

~ It’s always about giving up control for you. The more you let go, the more success you will enjoy. Let go of perfectionism and be yourself. You are talented and here to serve a big purpose. The world needs you. Families need you.

~ Okay, God. I open myself up to receive your strength. I am willing to let go of trying to control the process. I am willing to put myself out there because I know you will never reject and abandon me no matter what happens. I trust you will not lead me to failure. In fact, in my head I already know that your intention is to lead all of us to success, deep fulfillment, and loving relationships. It is time for me to practice all of this in my heart. Thank you for infusing me with compassion, understanding, and inspiration this morning. I love you!

Tags: career, Cheri Huber, confidence, God, life calling, life purpose, meditation, prayer