Coach Cassandra Rae

One of my core values is harmony.

And this goes way back.  Even when I was a kid I did everything within my power to help people get along.  In fact, my biggest desires were all about people getting along.  I tried so hard to get my two older sisters to stop fighting.  I needed my mom and grandma to get along.  And I would have done anything to stop my sister and mom from arguing.

One thing I realized this morning while blow drying my hair is that in the past, harmony has been so important to me that I sacrificed myself in order to have it.  I took on independence at an age so young I wasn’t aware of what I was giving up.  Almost all of my first memories are full of fear as I did things on my own that I wasn’t ready for.  I remember walking to kindergarten alone from the babysitter’s house and terrified that when I turned the corner the school would be gone.  That the whole world would have vanished and there would be no one there to help me. But, I never told anyone.  I never asked the babysitter to walk me.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I put on a facade of strength and told her I’d be fine.

I remember the neighbor dropping me off at pre-school one day and I had to walk from the car to the door by myself.  I was terrified that it would be locked, I couldn’t get in, and she would drive off leaving me alone, outside with no one to help me.  Again, I didn’t ask the neighbor who was already taking the time to take me to school to walk me to the door.  Instead, I thanked her for the ride that I was sure was taking her away from other, more important tasks.

And once when I was 3 or 4 I was hospitalized.  I don’t remember the details, but I do remember waking up in the middle of the night in the bed with bars (it was like a big crib) and really needing to pee.  Mom was sleeping next to me, but I wouldn’t wake her to help.  I remember looking across the hallway at the bathroom trying to will my way through the bars so that I could potty.  I don’t remember ever peeing and I wonder if I wet the bed that night.

Even as I type this more than 30 years after these events I can still feel the pang of loneliness.  I am amazed that at an age so young I already felt worthless.  Who was I to wake Mom up? Who was I to ask for help? Who was I to need a hand to hold?

Oh, how I wish I could travel back in time, wrap my toddler self in my arms, and tell her that everything is okay.  That it’s okay to ask for help.   That life is less scary when you share your fears.  That she can hold my hand any time she wants to.  And that Mom loves her deeply – more than she is able to express.

I am surprised that all of this is coming up today.  And I’m grateful for the opportunity to share it with you and reconnect with that young, frightened toddler within.  This connection is vital to how I live harmony today.

I do not have to sacrifice myself.

I can ask for help.

I can share my fears.

And I can hold your hand.

Thank you for being a part of my harmonious healing work.

Tags: childhood, connect, fear, harmony, loneliness, support

This morning during my Active Meditation I learned about The Art of Not Knowing.  It came up because I realized two things about where I was at:

1. I need to do everything all the time
2. I have to understand everything all the time

Then I was gently reminded how much pressure these two things put on me and I realized that I always tell others that it’s not why it’s how.  For example, we don’t always understand our feelings in the moment, but if we let go of needing to know why, then the understanding flows.

So today I commit to practicing The Art of Not Knowing, which means that I fully step into the wide, open space of the unknown with the intention of learning, playing, and discovering.

Wow! This is sooooooooo much better than beating myself up with needs and have-to’s.  I invite you to give it a whirl too.  Come on, you know it sounds enticing…

Tags: confusion, freedom, pressure

I am so excited to announce that I have officially launched the inaugural Simply Fearless 8 Week Coaching Program!  Woohoo!  And I absolutely must share with you that this program has been at least 3 years in the making.  I seriously feel like I have just given birth.  I feel the joy, excitement, pain, and exhilaration knowing that my life has just taken on a whole new level of meaning.

It would mean the world to me if you are able to join me in this life-altering event.  In fact, I just decided right now as I was typing this post to offer CassandraRae.com readers a $25 discount!  Check out the program first and then read below for how to claim your discount:

Do you feel like you should be happier but don’t know how to get started?

Are you ever overwhelmed by fear, worry, or sadness?

Would you like more confidence, clarity, and courage?

If so, then we’ve got the group coaching program for you! You are invited to join us for:

The Simply Fearless
8 Week Coaching Program

What is it?
The Simply Fearless 8 week program is all about helping you design, create, and live Your Simply Fearless Life! It includes:

1. 8 weekly sessions (1 1/2 hours in person or over the phone)
2. A workbook
3. Daily Practice Assignments to integrate new skills
4. An on-line forum to connect with other participants
5. A 30 minute private coaching session with Coach Cassandra Rae

The weekly topics are:

1. Uniquely Equal ~ different roles, equal value
   Compassionate Honesty ~ truth with heart
2. Part 1 Awareness ~ honor your inner knowing
3. Part 2 Acceptance ~ let go of what’s hurting, embrace what’s helping
4. Loving Boundaries ~ saying no with ease
5. Freedom Structures ~ external guidance for internal freedom
6. Responsible Risk ~ smart and inspired action
7. Connected Independence ~ stand on your own together
8. Celebrate! ~ an ending and a new beginning

The intention is for you to walk away with practical skills and tools that you can use and rely on for the rest of your life. Life will always challenge you – especially when you are going after your dreams – and we come together so that you gain the know-how to process any challenge. Imagine believing that you can handle anything and everything that comes up for you, no matter how big or small. And imagine having a community of like-hearted people who are always there to support you through it.

Who is it for?
This program is for those who are ready to let go of what’s holding you back and open to embracing new, empowering perspectives to create the life you’ve always wanted. Now is the time. No more waiting for someone else to make it happen for you. You are ready.

How much does it cost?
We are excited to launch this program for only $175! You receive everything listed above for the cost of two private coaching sessions.  Plus, we want you to feel 100% confident that this is the program for you, so you only pay $35 to attend the first session.  Then decide if you’d like to continue and pay the balance of $140 before the second session to continue.  Hurry up and grab this deal now, because it is the only time we will offer this program at this price. Besides when was the last time you invested in your life, your happiness, and yourself?

When is it being offered?
The participants get to choose the dates & times! Once you register, we will conduct a poll to find a time that fits in everyone’s schedule. There will be at least 2 groups: one in person in Sunnyvale and one over the phone. You choose what works best for your schedule.

Referral Program
If you refer someone who also registers and pays for the program, then you receive $25 off your tuition.  This means that instead of paying the initial $35 for the first session, you only pay $10.  And your referral discount is only limited to the cost of the program, which means that you receive $25 for each referral up until you take the program at no cost!

Register
To sign up, simply enter your name and email address below.  Payment is made at the first session or via invoice.  You will not be charged by entering your name and email below.  Registration is open through Sunday, March 15, 2009.

Claim your CassandraRae.com discount
Here’s how it works.  If you are a feedburner subscriber, have emailed me about a post in the past, or have left at least one comment before today, then you qualify to receive a $25 discount off the Simply Fearless 8 Week Program.  Simply enter your name & email above to register and then send me an email at Coach@CassandraRae.com to let me know how you qualify for the discount.  Oh, this is so exciting!  I can’t wait to take our learning and growing together to a whole new level.

Tags: confidence, connecting, courage, education, Life Coaching

Each morning as part of my Daily Practice I write a Feel the Future paragraph.  I used to call it a Vision Paragraph, but I have switched it up because the real power in the process are the feelings you experience when you write it down.  The emotions are the message you are sending to the Universe to put your plans into action.  What you say is important too, and yet, if you say you’ve accomplished a goal while feeling guilty about it, then the request you are making is more guilt and bad feelings.  Make sense? If not, please post your comments so that we can create a dialogue to iron it out.

Anyhow, I wrote one recently that is super relevant for moms who are trying to balance busy work and family lives so I thought I would share it with you.  Here goes:

I now have a healthy, harmonious relationship with my computer {i.e. career and business work hours plus development}.  I love what I do AND it doesn’t take away from my family.  I make myself available with an open and willing heart.  I am connected and independent with my computer!  I gave myself permission to love my work and to make it a priority in my life.  It feels amazing!  In fact, giving myself permission to make work a priority has opened up some space for me to be present with my family because in the past I was blaming my family for keeping me away from my work [note: I didn't even know I was doing this].  Oh my goodness…what an eye opener!  Thank you God for sending me Flor to teach me about work and family harmony.

So all you busy moms out there who feel guilty about investing time in yourself and/or your career outside of family, I encourage you to give yourself FULL permission to make your work* a priority.  It’s important.  You are important.  If you need to, then adjust your schedule until you find that sweet spot where you are able to fully enjoy your work and your family.  It is possible.  And all it takes is an awareness about where you’re at and a willingness to make the necessary adjustments.  The bottom line is, as long as you feel guilty about work, then you are asking the Universe to send you more guilt.

*Your work can be a job, a career, a hobby – anything that brings meaning, purpose, and fulfillment to you.

Each morning I check in with God through Active Meditation.  It begins with my Daily Journaling Practice, walking my dog, stretching out, working out for 35 minutes, and then I sit down and type out my conversation with God.  It’s a powerful process and so I thought I would share with you yesterday’s notes:

Me: Good morning, God!

God: Good morning.

Me: I come to you today with an open heart and mind.  I don’t have an agenda or anything in particular in mind.

God: Sweet.

Me: So I’m here to check in with you.  What would you like me to focus on today?

God: I love how you are already focusing on joy.  I saw that you realized how much easier it was to work out {at the gym} when your mind and heart were filled with joy.

Me: yes, I loved it.  In fact, there were times when I thought, “This is supposed to be harder!” and then I just let it go and continued on with my easy workout.

God: Good for you.  It is important {for you to understand} that life was not designed to be hard and difficult.  It was designed to require hard work.  And yet, enjoyable work.  Work that is challenging and energizing all at the same time.

Me: oh I like that!  It takes some of the pressure off.  Speaking of pressure, what’s up with the human need to be productive all the time?

God: Ah yes, the need to be productive.  It’s more about panic as opposed to productivity isn’t it?

Me: yes!  Because I have noticed that it is easier to be productive when I don’t need to be productive.

God: yes!  That is the key.  Notice the difference between what you say is the driving force and what truly is the driving force.  This is where a lot of humans run into trouble in creating their lives.  They say one thing with their mouths and something different with their hearts.

Me: oh wow!  That’s insightful.  Thank you!

God: you’re welcome.

Me: okay, I need to go get ready for me day.

God: I thought that’s what we were doing!

Me: you’re funny, God!  I mean that I need to go shower and get ready for my next appointment.

God: well, thank you for making me one of your first appointments of the day!

Me: you’re welcome! Anything else you’d like to say before I sign off?

God: Nope. Be a joyful day!

Me: thank you.

God: you’re so very welcome.

Tags: God, joy, life, meditation, pressure, productivity, work

If you can see the beauty in darkness, then your world will never be void.

Tags: advice, darkness, inspiration, photography

“Look Into Yourself”

While I was working out, I noticed that I was obsessing over the blue van incident. It would have been super easy to get mad at myself for focusing my thoughts on the fear. Instead, I thanked myself for noticing and refocused my energy. In fact, I started composing this blog post in my mind!

And then, I gave myself permission to notice and refocus as many times as I need to. What happened was huge and it’s understandable that it would demand a good portion of my time and energy – especially when I’m waiting for the District Attorney to call me back before a holiday weekend. It doesn’t matter that my thoughts keep wandering back to the incident. It only matters that I notice and choose something else…like tonight’s live performance of the Vagina Monologue’s! Woohoo!

Tags: advice, fear, Life Coaching

Even though I don’t feel like laughing, I remembered that I took this funny photo of Gracie and so I decided to post it for Funny Photo Friday.  In fact, maybe it’s when we don’t feel like laughing is when we need it the most…

{Update: he goes to court today…I’ll keep you posted.}

Tags: chihuahua, dog, funny photo friday

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Part of me really wants to forget that it ever happened. There seems to be such comfort in pretending it’s not there. That he’s not there. And he can’t hurt her. Or me.

But, there’s another part of me who understands that hiding is what he wants. And I’m not going to give him what he wants. He messed with the wrong family. The wrong girls.

And yet, maybe he messed with the right girls. Because we didn’t sit down and take it. We didn’t run and hide. Nope. Instead we called the police.

And now he has a lot of time on his hands to think about chasing girls down on the street. About harassing a teenager. His view is the back of a closed and locked door. He is soon to see the inside of a court room. To look into the eyes of a judge. To make a plea. And justice will unwind, wrapping him up in boundaries he can’t place for himself.

Part of me really wants to forget.  But, unlike him I know better.  I will remember.

So that I can remember to wrap her in my arms.  Tell her it’s okay.  Allow her to cry.  To cry with her.  And remind her that she is strong and safe.

Yes, the world might be dangerous at times.  But, I am not willing to carry it around with me.  Instead, I choose to carry the pride that we faced the danger and did the right thing.  That the fear didn’t stop us…even when she was facing it alone, it didn’t stop her.  Now we face the future together and I know that it’s going to be okay.  I know that we have made a difference.  That we have saved the lives of others.

That we have saved ourselves.  And each other.

Tags: courage, fear, inspiration, love, motherhood, Parenting, Relationships

“Supportive Transformation”

Long lasting change happens in small, consistent steps taken over time.  Think of one aspect of your life you’d like to change.  What is one simple step you can take each day for the next week?

p.s. It really is this simple!

Tags: advice, change, humanity, Life Coaching