Coach Cassandra Rae

64. {11/24/09} It’s easiest to explain today’s fear by sharing with you the dialogue from my journal.  The statements in quotes are from my Soul and the statements without quotes are me:

Oh my god. Today I discovered that I’m one of those insecure business women devaluing herself and her services. Now I hate myself for it.  What do I do?

“Well first of all.  There’s no need to panic.  You’re okay.  This new information is going to help you. It’s here to help you.”

Oh okay. But, she’s so weak.  I hate her for it.

“Yes there is a part of you that despises weakness.  That’s why weakness is showing up for you: so that you can embrace that too.  There is no other way around this but straight through it.”

Okay. My gut tells me I can no longer offer free stuff [in my coaching practice business].

“There’s some truth in there.  And it’s not black and white.  There’s no need to rush into action just yet.  First, process the emotion and then move into motion.”

Oh okay. That makes sense.  I can move into action when I have reconnected with my confidence and I’m not freaking out.

“Yes, it is wise not to move forward when you are freaking out.”

It also just occurred to me that believing in myself creates confidence.

“Yes, it does.  This week is all about believing in you and discovering your beliefs. You are doing an excellent job.”

Thank you.  It all just feels a bit overwhelming.

“Yes, it does. And you are strong enough to move through it with grace and dignity.”

Oh thank you.  Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.

“Yes, I know. I’m here to remind you.”

Tags: 100 Things I Fear, courage, fear, insecurity, overwhelm, soul, success, weakness

58. {11/18/09} Oy.  I’m feeling like a failure today.  I connected with Soul for comfort and guidance and she told me that this is coming up because I’m close to a breakthrough. I don’t have to push through. I get to walk through step by step and she is always with me to love me through it.  I’m so grateful for Soul!

Tags: 100 Things I Fear, courage, failure, fear, soul, success

“Why?”

Even though I haven’t continued with the blogging book club, I have continued with my 15 Minutes of Nothing.  Well, I guess it’s not really “Nothing” any longer.  You see, I’ve turned it into a mediation and I like to take notes when I meditate.  In fact, lots of times my meditation notes are a transcription of an inner dialogue like this:

“All that you’ve ever wanted to achieve has come to pass.  It’s only a matter of calling it to you and through you.  You have that power: to experience it or not.  It’s up to you.  what do you choose?”

Oh wow! That’s both comforting and disturbing.

“Such is the nature of truth so often.”

Can you give me some advice?

“Always searching, this one.  That’s the problem: the search.  I know it feels productive, but it’s not.  It’s harder to search.  It’s easier to get still and allow the answer to come to you.”

But, that’s giving up control!

“Is it? Or is it the most powerful form of choice that far surpasses control?”

Oh! I guess control could be an illusion of choice.

“Control is an illusion of safety.  In reality, it is the most dangerous of forces: you push your worst fears into reality.”

Ouch!

“Yes. Ouch.”

Well then how do I let go of control?

“Notice the pattern of searching.”

Yes, I see it.  I can’t help it.

“That’s okay.  Love yourself through it.  You only want what’s best for you.”

True.  But, why can’t I stop? Oy! Searching again!

“Excellent!  You noticed yourself this time.  See how you’ve already grown in just a matter of minutes?”

I guess so.

“You guess? Or you’re willing to recognize that this is challenging work that you are engaging in?”

Well, yeah it is challenging!

“And you’re willing to do it.  So many sense it and turn away.  They don’t want to be bothered to transform humanity.  But, not you.  You are showing up and consistently too.”

Thank you.

“You’re welcome.”

–

FYI, my words are the ones not in quotes. Who’s in quotes? I’m not exactly sure. I just transcribe the thoughts that come up.  It’s hard to describe.  I know the messages are not me, per say, but they arrive within me.  When I get quiet.  When I open up.  When I listen.  When I do “Nothing”. I receive.  I’m a little weirded out about sharing it with you.  But, it seems like useful information.  Well, it has been extremely useful to me.  I hope it’s useful for you too.

Have you ever engaged in a dialogue like this? I’d love to hear about it.  It’d be nice to know that I’m not the only one :~)

Tags: 100 Things I Fear, advice, control, courage, fear, meditation, safety

I lied to hide my feelings, my talent, my anger, my vulnerability, my past, my family, my belief in God, my fear, myself, and my humanity.  I was so used to lying I thought I was telling the truth.  I didn’t know in my mind I was lying, but I knew in my heart.  Deep down I felt it. It touched me in rare, open moments like while I was showering.  A wave of sadness would wash over me for no apparent reason.  It took all of my energy not to cry.  I would tell myself there was no reason to cry and rush myself out of the shower, the moment, and most of all…the feeling.

I felt it when my eyes would flutter open in the afternoon after a whole night of drinking, dancing, and debauchery {read: sex without love or relationship}.  I was so numb and hungover; and yet, the numbness would always bump up against something within me that told me I was hiding.  That this wasn’t the way.  I would shut down as soon as possible with another lie.  It probably went something like, “I’m fine.”

In my very first private coaching session, I knew I couldn’t lie anymore.  And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to.  It was because I knew she could see right through them.  She could see me.  The real me.  The thing is…she liked me.  She saw me and like me.  She wanted to support me through the ugly.  No one else had ever showed up for me like that.

So I told the part of me that wanted to run away and never look back that that was it.  We’re doing this thing called coaching and we’re going to stop lying.  No more running.  It’s time to face up.  Oh and boy did we ever!

We stripped away those lies piece by piece, bit by bit, until I arrived at myself.  And wow! I’d never known myself like this before.  You mean, I wasn’t a terrible monster? Nope!  I found that I was a lovable person with human fears, flaws, and foibles.  And it was in the very things I tried to hid that I found the beauty in my life, my experience, and myself.

I am okay. I am me. I am beautiful. And I am human.  I’ve only ever wanted…okay, I can’t think of one or even a few words to describe this longing, but I do know that by embracing all of me – even the liar – no, wait especially the liar – I have become just that: {no, not a bigger liar!} I’ve become:

ME.

Simply.

Beautifully.

Me.

Foibles and all.

Tags: cry, emotions, feelings, honesty, Life Coaching, lying, Relationships, truth

Oh my god. This very well might be my most frightening moment since beginning the 100 Things I Fear challenge.  I am quite frankly shivering with fear and excitement.

You see, I received $5 of Borders Bucks.  I know, that in and of itself isn’t frightening at all.  But, just wait until you hear what I did with it.

I bought this book…

…and even before I purchased it I felt the power of it.  I held it in my hands.  Turned it over.  Read a few phrases.  And immediately began talking myself out of buying it.  There were so many good reasons to put it back:

I have countless books I haven’t read yet.

I’m behind in the blogging book club for The Joy Diet.

When am I going to have time to read?

I’m already in the middle of Convos with God book 2.

I shouldn’t spend more money on books – this is becoming an addiction.

And yet, despite all the very well-thought-out-reasons to put this book back and pass it up….I bought it.  I did it.  And now there is no turning back.  Its message is already humming in my heart.  Its power coursing through my veins.  I want to run and hide.  But, I want my dreams to come true too.  I want to put my talents out there.  I want my thoughts to become intentional things.  I want to lead the way.

Oy, and that pesky voice of fear says, “Put it away.  Don’t read this book.  You don’t need it.  You can do anything you want on your own.”

Well, you know what, fear?  I’m not going to run away.  And nothing you can say will stop me from reading this book, absorbing it, and putting it into practice.  I’m done saying, “It can’t happen to me,” and “That’s too big for me,” because:

It can happen to me.

It’s not too big for me.

I can publish a New York Times Bestseller.

I can travel the world spreading the Simply Fearless message.

In fact, I am a New York Times Bestseller author.

And I do travel the world spreading the Simply Fearless message.

There simply isn’t any way you can stop this from happening because it’s already happened.  The path is paved.  The rewards are there.  And I get to take one step at a time towards it and through it.

Life is glorious right now.  The process is perfect.  What a grand adventure.  I am the luckiest person on the planet.

Now step aside.

Thank you.

Tags: 100 Things I Fear, books, courage, fear, Infinite Possibilities, Mike Dooley, success

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

One of the things my clients tell me over and over again how much they love about our work together is the Simple Centering Exercise we do at the beginning of all sessions.  It’s such a great way to let go of the busy-ness of life and center yourself in your own wisdom.  I’m posting one such Centering Exercise in this blog post and I invite you to check it out and listen to it whenever you sit down at your computer to work.  It’s an excellent way to focus your attention, feel better, and ground yourself in your own creativity.  Mmmm…I simply love it!

Oh!  And it’s also great to use when you’re stressed out!

Tags: Audio, centering, connecting, Life Coaching, meditation, support

Every time I go to Sunday service at my spiritual home I bring my Totally Awesome {that’s what it says on the inside!} journal and take notes. It’s cool because I have all my notes in one place and any time I need some encouragement and inspiration I know where to go.  Anyhow, here are my notes from the last service {oh by the way you can listen to the sermon that these notes were taken from – just click here!}

Listen to the music of your Soul…all the time.

It’s time to face up.

Are you the kind of person who can’t wait to get out & explore? Or are you the kind of person who goes out wondering, “Are you going to step on me?”

You get what you expect.

Who is the person at the root of your horror story?

Heal your life through your interactions with people.  Remember you are a “people.”

Be a Student of Truth.

What you expect, you attract.

Transform in each moment by moment.

In the girlfriend stage you’re trying to win them over & you’re your best.

Love.

Use your disagreement with this post to gauge what you know.

What you think of me is none of my business.

You are a disciple of the Holy One.

In your relationships know that:

1. There’s no 1 place to find love
2. There’s nothing you need to become
3. People aren’t lonely because they are alone ~ they are a alone because they are lonely.
4. It’s best to put a little more in then you take out
5. You’ll be happier when you give up your horror stories & engage in learning

Loneliness is a way of relating to the world.

Be teachable

Take back your life.

No wasn’t that a kick-ass sermon?!

Tags: CSL, inspiration, Relationships, Spirituality & God

Oh my heaven…I’m in heaven! I came over to the Palo Alto Art Center to register for the Book Class and I thankfully brought my camera. There is a community garden next door with a plethora of photo opps. My soul was quite literally shouting in ecstasy as I browsed the twisted aisles of fresh veggies and flowers. It is crazy beautiful here! What a blessing. And I’m blown away by how much it nourished my Soul.

Wow.

This is it. I’m really in a groove here. My newsletter went out this morning and it was smokin’! My next Coaching Call is filling up. I’m connecting with new people. The books are under way and the ideas are flowing. Thank you Soul!

And now I’m basking in the beauty of this amazing garden.  The above photo is by far one of my all-time favorites.  It’s so soft and colorful.  Oh and FYI no post-processing!

click here to view all of my photos on flickr

Tags: beauty, inspiration, Life Coaching, nature, photography

Recently I asked, “What is your heart asking you to do?” and Maria posted a reply on the SimplyFearless.com FB Fan Page saying:

My problem is I’ve spent so many years shutting out my heart’s calling that I don’t recognize its voice anymore or maybe it’s just fallen silent lately because it’s been ignored for so long.

Oh so many of us can relate to Maria’s dilemma, which is why my very first VLOG explains two simple ways to connect with your heart inspiration.  So for all of you that are ready to connect with your heart – even those of you who hate to journal and fall asleep meditating – this one’s for you!

{note: for all of you reading this as an email update – there is a video in this post and you may need to click through to CassandraRae.com to view it}

Tags: advice, connecting, journaling, Life Coaching, meditation, VLOG, VLOG {Videos of me!}

“Capture the darkness to see the light”

c: hi god

g: hi cassandra

c: how are you today?

g: peachy. how are you?

c: hopeful. i really want to do a good job with the book

g: is that a desire that’s going to get in your way?

c: well maybe a little.  it does feel super important

g: what’s more important creating the book or wanting to do a good job?

c: creating it of course!

g: then you are free from wanting to do a good job – you don’t need to do a good job.  you simply get to do a job.  gather blank paper and a folder or a binder and get started.  you already have the first few pages written in your head.  it doesn’t matter how you organize any of it right now.  it’s organic.

c: oh! and I can print out pages with photos on them and use them to write on!

g: that’s an excellent idea if it inspires you.  don’t forget you are transcribing.

c: yes, transcribing.  directly from my soul.

g: yes, which is my portal to you – it’s how we connect

c: yes, thank you!  off I go now…

Tags: connecting, God, meditation, success, support