Welcome to the magical world of transformation…

{part 1}

Grandma: But, I wasn’t pregnant when I got married.  I was only 14, but I wasn’t pregnant.  I had Pat 9 or 10 months after the marriage.  But, I wasn’t pregnant.

<I think she’s trying to tell me she was a virgin when she got married…>

Me: So you got married first and then pregnant.

Grandma: Yes.

Me: What was your husband’s name?

Grandma: Elwood Raley.  R-a-l-e-y.  He was about 19 when we got married and we lived in a trailer behind his parent’s.  I didn’t know it at the time, but he turned out to be a drinker.  It was in the family.  His dad was a drinker.  In fact, I used to hear his dad slapping around his mom and I used to tell Elwood, “Go check on your mom.”  But, he would say, “Oh they’ll work it out.”  I should’ve known better, but I didn’t.

Me: Well, you were so young.

Grandma: I remember talking to my mother-in-law…her name escapes me right now…and she told me, “You better get outta here before you end up with a houseful of kids.”  I already had Pat, but she meant that I should leave before having any more.  She never complained to me about her life and she never fought back.  She was from Louisiana and it was just the way her life was.  She was a nice woman.  Just a little ‘ol thing.  Fat, but little.  Only about this high (up to Grandma’s ear and Grandma’s only about 4 foot 11)

<I heard my mom’s story in what my grandma was telling me and I wanted to ask her if Elwood hit her too, but I was afraid to.  I’m glad I didn’t have to…>

Grandma: I don’t remember Elwood ever hitting me.  I had big older brothers and I think he was afraid of them.  His mom didn’t have any family to protect her.  Her parent’s died young and she didn’t have any older brothers like I did.  I wish I had kept in touch with her.  You know, for Pat’s sake.  But, I don’t think your Grandpa would’ve appreciated that.

Me: How did you meet Grandpa?

Grandma: Oh I don’t remember.  Wait.  I was working at 4 Points in a store – I don’t think it’s there anymore.  And Grandpa was the town policeman.  He used to come in a lot.  And then he came in pretty regular.

Me: To see you!

<I swear she blushed like a schoolgirl here!>

Grandma: Yes, to see me.

<We paused here to let the sweet sentiment settle in.>

Grandma: He helped me get a divorce.  He even paid to send me to Las Vegas for it.

<I didn’t ask why she couldn’t get a divorce here in California.  I guess Vegas is good for cheap divorces and weddings.  Maybe it was just a convenience, because after the divorce was final my grandparents got married in Vegas.>

Me: So Elwood let you go willingly?

Grandma: He didn’t really have any choice because Grandpa was the policeman.  I’m sure he didn’t want to.  I remember his mom telling me, “You better get out now unless you want to have my life.”  She didn’t have any skills.  In fact, she never even left their house.  Not even to go to the supermarket.  The men did the shopping.  She didn’t even leave to go to the doctor.

Me: It sounds like a prison.  I guess her husband could really control her and hide the bruises if she never went anywhere.

Grandma: My only regret was that I didn’t keep in touch with her, for Pat’s sake.  She was a nice woman and always good to me.

Me: It sounds like it really wasn’t safe for you to keep in touch.

Grandma: No, it wasn’t.  After I left with your Grandpa, I never went back.

Me: What happened to Elwood?

Grandma: Well, this is all hearsay.  You know, I heard it from someone else.  There was another wife after me and he used to slap her around.  One day he took her out in the car with a gun – only the 2 of them know what he meant to do with that gun – and one of their boys who was about 10 or 12 called the police.

Me: Was Grandpa the policeman that was called?

Grandma: Oh no.  We were long gone by this time.  Now, the police found Elwood in the car and they told him to put the gun down.  But, he wouldn’t.  God only knows what was going on in his head.  He got out of the car with the shotgun in his hand and they shot him!

Me: Wow!

Grandma: Yup, they killed him.

<I had no idea my Grandma’s first husband was shot and killed by the police.>

Grandma: My deepest sorrow is that I took Pat through all of that.  It’s one thing for adults to do stupid things.  But, when they take innocent children through it, that’s something else.

It occurs to me only now as I’m typing this post that my Grandma wasn’t an adult when she took Aunt Pat through it all.  She was only a teen.  My mom was my grandparent’s first child together and she was born when Grandma was only 19.  Based on their birthdays, this means that she got pregnant when she was 18.  I think my Grandma has been punishing herself for this all her life and maybe this is one of the main reasons why she has such a tumultuous relationship with Aunt Trish (Pat goes by Trish now).  I’ve never known Grandma and Aunt Trish to get along.  In fact, it seems to me like they hate one another.  I find it heart-warming to know that part of Grandma’s biggest heartaches is for Aunt Trish.  I know it sounds weird, but it’s comforting to see for myself how much Grandma really cares about Aunt Trish.  If only the two of them could stand each other long enough to see this for themselves.

The truth is Grandma might die before she ever heals the relationships with either one of her daughters.  But, it isn’t my burden to carry…I’m just the storyteller.

Tags: Family, Relationships