My heart is cracking open ~ your advice please

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Dec 01 2008

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Coach Cassandra Rae

My heart is cracking open ~ your advice please

Posted at 10:30 am under Family & Parenting

My heart is cracking open. I’ve held it together for the past day to be strong for her, to believe for her that everything is going to be okay, to know for her that she will get through this. But, now she is gone and I am here still feeling her pain.

As her mother, I only want to reach out and touch the pain – not hold onto it as my own – but, I also want to make it go away. Even though I know that isn’t the way.

I want to both show my pain for her and hide it as well.

I want to say the right thing.

Do the right thing.

And yet, at times like these there is no right thing.

Sometimes it’s about being strong so that she can be hurt and angry.

But, I’m also afraid.

Afraid she won’t make it…

No, I can’t go there.

But, I must go there.

It’s okay to be afraid for her.

It’s okay to cry for her.

Let it out, just like you tell her to.

I just feel so helpless. A mother’s love isn’t the same.

And yet, it’s no less important. You are the stream that never stops flowing.

I’ve got to go now.

Please comment or email {Cassandra@SimplyFearless.com} your advice or words of encouragement. How does a mother support her teen’s first broken heart?

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Tags: love, Parenting, Relationships

Comments

Holly at Tropic of Mom

Aw. Of course you feel for her. A first broken heart is such a hard, hard thing. I think you are already doing the right thing -- just letting her know you are here for her.

Holly at Tropic of Moms last blog post..Blame it on the baby

Momisodes

I am so sorry to hear. First heartbreaks are so tough. I can only imagine the anguish you're going through as well as an outsider who wants nothing more than to make the hurt go away. I wish I had better advice. All I can offer is what I wished my mom did when I had my heart broken for the first time. To just be there when I was ready.

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Carina

Oh, I really stopped by to tag you today. Maybe you will find the time to play!
Shot on the spot!

Carinas last blog post..Shot on the Spot

Carina

I wish I would have some advice for you. As I am going through a a painful break-up myself. I know my mum asks the same questions that you do. For me, I just want to be left alone. I don't want to answer all the questions I myself do not know the answer to, and I do not want to be reminded of him by anybody's questions those few times my mind is giving me a break. I understand it's hard for her, my mum, when I seem better and more myself one day and she thinks this is the time to find out what is going on. How ever, thoose times are the times when I managed to put my troubles aside and forget him a few houres. And when I want to talk, I talk to her and it's nice to know she's there. I am not your daughter (Even though we share a name :)), so she might feel different. I would just be there, and maybe she can tell you what you can do for her.

Carinas last blog post..Waiting

Eric

In the words of the great play...It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before. What a thrill to be so close and share this loss and not just see it from a distance. The readers of this will feel your pain no doubt but, you have the insight and ability to share the rest of this story with us when you see her get past this with joy. I wish I had been able to share when I went through this the first time.

Cassie

Cassandra, I missed you so I came to visit your blog. When I read your beautiful entry about the support of your daughter's broken heart, I just wanted to reach out and hug you both. When my daughter was a junior in high school, her girlfriend's Mom invaded their privacy by reading love letters written between them. It was my daughter's official "outing" and an abrupt way for all of us to learn that she was gay. The girlfriend's mother refused to let them see one another and caused much strife for both families. My daughter was heartbroken and so was I. She moved on and is now a senior in college. She's had several more heartbreaks since then and I must tell you that the love and support of our children does not lessen as they get older. You feel their feelings and cry their tears. And in the end, you sit back and watch them with pride, as they make way in and through the big world. Be Well, Cassandra. You're a good Mom! Love, Cassie

Michell

Cassandra,

My thoughts are with you and your daughter. In the time that I've known you, you have always had the best of intentions in everything I've seen you do. Your love and kind spirit has inspired and motivated me. I know you and your daughter will come out of this even closer than before. I remember as a teenager going to my parents when I was hurt and the best thing they did for me during this hurtful time was to be present, available and listen. They didn't offer advice or suggest what I could have done differently. They just listened!! :-)

Missing and thinking of you often,

-Michell

OmegaSpreem

Powerful words. I wish I could describe my feelings for my deceased father in the same way, but my outlet seems to be the occasional bit of surrealist fiction.

For your daughter, just be there for her when she needs you. When she needs distance, give it to her and tell yourself that everything will be okay. When she wants to talk to you, open up to her.

Tell her about your life.
Tell her about what other things she has to look forward to in her bright future.
Tell her about how this is just one stepping stone of many, a right of passage, where there's no turning back and the only way to go from here on is forward.

I see that Andre left you with similar advice. What can I say, it's good advice!

Keep your head up, let your daughter know how you feel and let her know that she can always come to you for help. Or if not help, then reassurance.

OmegaSpreems last blog post..Adobe Layoffs - an Open Letter for Adobe to Improve

Andre S. Lange

You can't make it go away for her, and it must be hers, but I think the best you can do is be empathetic, and share it with her (the pain.) Cry with her, and tell her about some similar thing you went through. It will lighten her load and bring you two even closer.

Andre S. Langes last blog post..Piece of Apeshit--"Dad gets young"

Larissa

Cassandra -

I hope that things get better soon. Sometimes even though it doesn't feel like enough just loving someone is the best thing you can do. You can always call if you need someone to listen.

Lots of love,
Larissa

Nancy Grant

I hope everything is okay Cassandra. I feel helpless too not know what's going on.

I'll be giving you a call as soon as the phone is available.

Love you!

{{HUGS}}
Your sis,
~nance

Nancy Grants last blog post..Hello Everyone!