Welcome to the magical world of transformation…

I am visiting my sister Brenda and her family right now. And the truth is…the visit was prompted by a health care crisis.  Here is what Bren says:

“I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure…something that we as a family were not prepared for. I am working hard to better myself as well as listen to whatever my cardiologist says. We are all optimistic that my condition won’t worsen and in the next 3 months I become a person living with CHF not dying from CHF. Thank you to everyone who have sent their well wishes and prayers.”

So this week’s Weekly Winners is dedicated to my sister Brenda and her courage to transform her life and not only live, but THRIVE through congestive heart failure.

Click through the photos to read my descriptions and don’t forget to visit the founder of Weekly Winners: Sarcastic Mom

Tags: body, congestive heart failure, Family, health, life, sisters, Weekly Winners

Oh I’ve missed you guys!  I’ve been sick for almost 2 weeks.  Acccckkkk!

But, I’m almost back to full health…no wait…allow me to reframe:

I AM BACK TO FULL HEALTH!!!!

I am full of energy.  And I am full of joy and appreciation for a pain-free throat and a clear nose that I can breathe through.  Woohoo!  It feels good to be back to my usual sense of gratitude and endless possibilities.

So I’m curious.  What do you do when you are sick? Do you give yourself the time and space to recover? Or do you beat yourself up for needing the down time?  It’s such a challenge isn’t it?!

I’ve gotta admit that last week I bounced back and forth in between nurturing my body and attacking myself for not being able to do everything I had scheduled and wanted to do.  But, this is what I know:

When the body needs rest and recuperation, the body needs rest and recuperation.

And in the future whenever I am in less than full health, I am willing to commit to give myself full permission to clear my schedule, rest, and nurture my body.  The sooner I take care of me, the sooner I can get back to my regularly scheduled life!

Tags: body, health, nurturing, sick

I saw the surgeon again this past week. What can I say? I don’t like seeing him! The first time I met him he poked me 4 times with a spring-loaded needle and I bled all over the place. The second time wasn’t as messy, but almost just as painful.

I found out that even though the initial biopsy was benign – I’m not out of the woods yet. You see, they aren’t 100% sure that the sample they collected was actually from the mass. I know! How could he miss? It was the size of a walnut! Now it’s the size of a plum with the bruising and swelling (thankfully, it doesn’t really hurt much these days). But, I guess I must agree with the doc that the initial biopsy was a “shot in the dark”.

Well, the second one won’t be because it will be illuminated by the power of ultrasound…yes, they are going to harpoon me again! But, we can’t do it for at least 2 weeks because of the hematoma.

You know, when I first found the lump it turned my life all upside down. Now I feel sorta numb to it all. I mean, there’s nothing I can do to hurry it up. I have the appointment and that’s that. I won’t find out the results until probably a week after the test and if I do have cancer, why not live the next 3 weeks in the luxury of not knowing?! I’ve decided I’m just going to get on living my life no matter what the results. Pretending that I’m already dead certainly won’t help me heal!

Oh crap….I’ve gotta go pack now because we’re going out of town for a couple of days! But, before I do I just have to say that it is really easy to feel like a victim through this whole process. But, when I step back and look at it, I get to decide what doctor to see, when to see him, and what to do next. Doctors are people I hire to help me with my health. Yeah, they might mess up sometimes, but they’re still human and doing the best they can. So, I’m going to remember that I’m in charge here, look at the bright side, and simply trust God that all is as it should be.

Tags: body, boob, breast, cancer, health, trust

So I see the surgeon tomorrow and I’ve been feeling kinda low the past coupla days. I want to feel better and I think that’s part of the problem: not letting myself just be where I’m at and feel how I feel. Or maybe I am allowing myself to simply be, which is why I feel low. I don’t know! But, I guess that’s okay…

My flickr gallery is full of nature shots and I just ran across this one:

Funny how they look like boobies, eh? Maybe I’m slightly obsessing…

I was just thinking how I wish this whole thing was over and behind me. But, holding my breath is actually keeping me stuck and making it worse.

Sometimes when I’m driving I get impatient and begin looking ahead at where I’m going to be and wishing for the next light to stay or turn green. Or I curse at the slow driver in front of me willing her/him out of my way. It’s actually very stressful. So I’ve starting doing this thing where I notice everything that is in my immediate vicinity….like the trees swaying in the wind, the dogs being walked, or the building I’ve never noticed before even though I’ve driven by it a hundred times before. I focus on exactly where I’m at and what I’m doing instead of wishing I were somewhere else ahead of me.

I think it would be nice to do that now….I’m sitting at the dining room table in a computer triangle with my daughter and nephew. Gracie the Dog is licking my toes and the wrapper to the triple chocolate ice cream bar I just ate is neatly crumpled next to me. Will is resting upstairs. Our living room is strangely and comfortably cluttered. Pauper the Cat is holding court in the living room. I’m surrounded by people and animals that love and appreciate me.

I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything in this moment. I can simply sit here and blog. How nice is that?

So my plan with this whole lumpy bumpy breast thing is to simply notice where I’m at so that I can learn everything I need to learn through this experience. I know that life will be better because of it.

It has to be or else what’s the use?

Tags: appreciate, body, boobs, breast, health, present, zen

Funny how life can change so quickly.

Actually, it’s quite unsettling.

In fact, it’s down right frightening!

So…um…I found a lump in my boob.

Talk about life flash before my eyes.

I mean, I didn’t freak out. But, wouldn’t it have been okay if I did? Maybe just freaking out for like 10 minutes would have been better than feeling so fragile for the entire evening. Yeah, in retrospect, I think a freak out would have done me some good. Mental note: the next time I find out that I might have a life-threatening disease, it’s okay to freak out.

You know, that’s one of my biggest challenges: always wanting to hold it together…keep it under control…under any and all circumstances…no matter how extreme. It’s almost like there is this part of me that wants to be able to just watch life pass me by without feeling a thing.

Maybe it’s because I tend to feel so strongly…which I actually think is a good thing…it’s just that sometimes…

I don’t know.

I’m rambling.

But, anyhow the lump…it’s as big as a walnut! And it’s only a cyst. It’s not the c-thing. Oh wait…it starts with a “c” too! But, you know, it’s not life threatening. Just a little tender and sore. I mean, it’s HUGE! It’s so big that I have to have a little procedure where they stick a needle in it and POP it!

G R O S S ! ! !

But, honestly, poking it is better than having a painful lump in my beautiful lady humps!

Tags: body, boobs, breast, cancer, cyst, health