“I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure…something that we as a family were not prepared for. I am working hard to better myself as well as listen to whatever my cardiologist says. We are all optimistic that my condition won’t worsen and in the next 3 months I become a person living with CHF not dying from CHF. Thank you to everyone who have sent their well wishes and prayers.”

So this week’s Weekly Winners is dedicated to my sister Brenda and her courage to transform her life and not only live, but THRIVE through congestive heart failure.

Click through the photos to read my descriptions and don’t forget to visit the founder of Weekly Winners: Sarcastic Mom

Seriously.  Have you ever noticed how when you are tired it’s so easy to be grumpy.  In fact, when you’re tired enough even the thought of happiness can be irritating.  The truth is…happy people are well-rested people.

It really is this simple.  If you want more happiness in your life, then take a look at your sleeping patterns and decide if they are working for you or not.

A few years ago I took a look at my sleeping habits and decided to make a commitment to sleep from 10pm to 6am every night – weekend and weeknight alike.  I realized that my body didn’t know the difference between a weeknight and a weekday and found that when I sleep the same hours I feel better and have more energy.

A few years down the road and I am one of the most positive and upbeat persons I know.  Yes, I have my moments – don’t we all? – and yet, I am known for my heart smile, good moods, and general all-around happiness.  I admit that there are more factors to my joy-filled life, but it really truly begins with a good night’s rest…or a good day’s rest depending on when your body sleeps the best.

Happy sleeping!

This book wil NOT teach you new parenting skills and strategies.  It will give you a comprehensive understanding of a potentially boring and dry topic (brain development) in an interesting and readable way.  The author (a health and medical science editor) weaves in personal stories with facts and research findings about the teenage brain, which makes this non-fiction book a page turner.

The bottom line is that the human brain is under major construction (some might even say destruction!) during the teen years and if you’re frustrated with your teen’s inability to think things through ahead of time, then stop judging your teen and your parenting skills and read this book.  This is ground-breaking news that every parent should know because it will change how you look at your teen and your expectations.  Add this knowledge to your parenting toolbox today.

p.s. There is also some interesting information about the toddler brain in this book, so if you have babies and young children I highly recommend you read this book too.  Besides the more you know before your child is a tween and teen, the better off you are!

But, I’m almost back to full health…no wait…allow me to reframe:

I AM BACK TO FULL HEALTH!!!!

I am full of energy.  And I am full of joy and appreciation for a pain-free throat and a clear nose that I can breathe through.  Woohoo!  It feels good to be back to my usual sense of gratitude and endless possibilities.

So I’m curious.  What do you do when you are sick? Do you give yourself the time and space to recover? Or do you beat yourself up for needing the down time?  It’s such a challenge isn’t it?!

I’ve gotta admit that last week I bounced back and forth in between nurturing my body and attacking myself for not being able to do everything I had scheduled and wanted to do.  But, this is what I know:

When the body needs rest and recuperation, the body needs rest and recuperation.

And in the future whenever I am in less than full health, I am willing to commit to give myself full permission to clear my schedule, rest, and nurture my body.  The sooner I take care of me, the sooner I can get back to my regularly scheduled life!

I must say that I do feel so much more equipped to face my busy day.  And now I’m curious.  What do you do when you feel spent and need a boost?

“Okay.  Some warm gel now, ” he said.

“Oh!  That’s so nice that it’s not cold,” I said surprised as he smeared the warm gel over my boob and pressed the ultrasound paddle against my lumpy, bumpy breast.

“We’re like the spa,” he replied smiling.

It’s true.  They kinda are like the spa with the robe, dim lighting, soft music, and warm gel…except for the part where he sticks me with a big, fat needle!

After a few minutes of slipping and sliding around my boob he said, “I don’t see a mass.  I see a cyst and a little oval shape behind this vessel.”

That must have been the vessel the surgeon hit, I thought.

“But, I don’t think it’s a mass,” he continues, “I think it’s an injury to the artery from the last biopsy.  Look at this.”

He goes on to show me where the cyst is.  It’s buried underneath a lot of breast tissue.  He said it’s probably been there for a long time even though I just found it a month ago.  Then he shows me the other dark spot and there’s this red and blue line pulsing in front of it.  He says it’s the artery and that because it’s traversing the dark spot, that it’s probably not a mass and most likely nothing to be concerned about.

Honestly, I couldn’t make the connection between what he was saying and what he was showing me.  The screen was fuzzy and things kept moving.  He spoke in probably’s and most likely’s.  I wanted to see and hear something concrete; something I could wrap my hands around and hold onto.  Instead the only thing to grasp was faith in his opinion, which he seemed kind of skeptical about himself.  But, he was certain about aspirating the cyst instead of doing another biopsy, which was such a relief to me because that meant no more spring-loaded needles!

She came over and wiped off all the now-cold gel and washed my breast with red sponges of betadine soap.  Chills ran up and down my body.

“Can you roll over towards the wall please?” she asked and wedged some cushions underneath my side and bottom to prop me up.

“Okay, now lift your arm up over your head and rest it on the pillow.”

Could this be any more uncomfortable? My fingers stared to tingle and I wondered how long I could hold this twisted and skewed position.  Well, if my arm and back hurt, then maybe my boob will hurt less!

He draped sterile towels over my chest leaving only my boob exposed.  “Please don’t touch these,” he instructed.  “Okay, a little pinch now.”

I turned my head away from him searching the blank white wall for something to focus on.  Why didn’t they have beautiful artwork in here like they did in the hallway?  What kind of spa is this anyways?!

I saw the surgeon again this past week. What can I say? I don’t like seeing him! The first time I met him he poked me 4 times with a spring-loaded needle and I bled all over the place. The second time wasn’t as messy, but almost just as painful.

I found out that even though the initial biopsy was benign – I’m not out of the woods yet. You see, they aren’t 100% sure that the sample they collected was actually from the mass. I know! How could he miss? It was the size of a walnut! Now it’s the size of a plum with the bruising and swelling (thankfully, it doesn’t really hurt much these days). But, I guess I must agree with the doc that the initial biopsy was a “shot in the dark”.

Well, the second one won’t be because it will be illuminated by the power of ultrasound…yes, they are going to harpoon me again! But, we can’t do it for at least 2 weeks because of the hematoma.

You know, when I first found the lump it turned my life all upside down. Now I feel sorta numb to it all. I mean, there’s nothing I can do to hurry it up. I have the appointment and that’s that. I won’t find out the results until probably a week after the test and if I do have cancer, why not live the next 3 weeks in the luxury of not knowing?! I’ve decided I’m just going to get on living my life no matter what the results. Pretending that I’m already dead certainly won’t help me heal!

Oh crap….I’ve gotta go pack now because we’re going out of town for a couple of days! But, before I do I just have to say that it is really easy to feel like a victim through this whole process. But, when I step back and look at it, I get to decide what doctor to see, when to see him, and what to do next. Doctors are people I hire to help me with my health. Yeah, they might mess up sometimes, but they’re still human and doing the best they can. So, I’m going to remember that I’m in charge here, look at the bright side, and simply trust God that all is as it should be.

So I see the surgeon tomorrow and I’ve been feeling kinda low the past coupla days. I want to feel better and I think that’s part of the problem: not letting myself just be where I’m at and feel how I feel. Or maybe I am allowing myself to simply be, which is why I feel low. I don’t know! But, I guess that’s okay…

My flickr gallery is full of nature shots and I just ran across this one:

Funny how they look like boobies, eh? Maybe I’m slightly obsessing…

I was just thinking how I wish this whole thing was over and behind me. But, holding my breath is actually keeping me stuck and making it worse.

Sometimes when I’m driving I get impatient and begin looking ahead at where I’m going to be and wishing for the next light to stay or turn green. Or I curse at the slow driver in front of me willing her/him out of my way. It’s actually very stressful. So I’ve starting doing this thing where I notice everything that is in my immediate vicinity….like the trees swaying in the wind, the dogs being walked, or the building I’ve never noticed before even though I’ve driven by it a hundred times before. I focus on exactly where I’m at and what I’m doing instead of wishing I were somewhere else ahead of me.

I think it would be nice to do that now….I’m sitting at the dining room table in a computer triangle with my daughter and nephew. Gracie the Dog is licking my toes and the wrapper to the triple chocolate ice cream bar I just ate is neatly crumpled next to me. Will is resting upstairs. Our living room is strangely and comfortably cluttered. Pauper the Cat is holding court in the living room. I’m surrounded by people and animals that love and appreciate me.

I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything in this moment. I can simply sit here and blog. How nice is that?

So my plan with this whole lumpy bumpy breast thing is to simply notice where I’m at so that I can learn everything I need to learn through this experience. I know that life will be better because of it.

It has to be or else what’s the use?