Welcome to the magical world of transformation…

Last week I shared with you how a really challenging experience with my 18 year old daughter led me straight into the heart of God.  It was one of those pivotal moments where there was no way to be the same afterward.  And then something amazing happened…

The very next day my daughter came home from school upset.  She plopped down on her bed, put her head in her hands, and said, “I need some mommy therapy.”

Just the fact that my usually very private, I-can-do-everything-by-myself daughter was openly asking for my support grabbed my attention and I was immediately by her side.  She started talking and crying.  I asked her if I could give her a hug and she agreed.

And then the magic…

I simply held her as she poured her heart out.  It was a genuine moment where I got to be the nurturing mom I’ve always wanted to be.  I listened.  I soothed.  And I encouraged.  All while letting her have her feelings.  It was beautiful.  And what’s even better is that it didn’t end in a fight!

You see, in the past when we’ve tried to have these “mommy therapy” sessions I would inadvertently say the wrong thing, setting her off and we would both walk away hating each other and feeling worse than before.

But, that’s not what happened this time.  Nope.  This time we authentically connected.  I felt compassion and love for her.  I didn’t try to rush her out of her bad feelings.  Instead I just gave her space to express them.  Wow!  What a contrast from the past.  I feel like such a different mom.

It was like the moment I stopped beating myself up for not being nurturing enough, I became nurturing!  And allowing myself to be nurtured gave me the space to turn around and be nurturing.

Artwork Inspiration by KatHannah

Is there anything that you’re beating yourself up for?

Right now, in this moment, are you willing to give yourself a break?

It could be that when you stop pushing so hard against yourself, you just might find the you you’ve always wanted to be.

Tags: motherhood, nurturing, Parenting, Relationships, self esteem, teens

Last Friday was my daughter’s 18^th birthday and instead of celebrating we got into a huge argument.  It triggered all my fears of not being good enough and not being capable of raising a child.  I felt disrespected and unappreciated.  In short, I felt like a failure.

Thankfully with the support of my husband and her stepmom the next day we were able to sit down, have an open and honest – albeit difficult – conversation, and we came up with some new agreements to move forward.  It was productive and successful.  Everyone felt better, lighter and relieved to have made it through without scratching each other’s eyes out.

So after everything was wrapped up I was able to keep my plans to have a sleepover at a girlfriend’s house.  We enjoyed yummy food, authentic conversation, and great music.  It was fantastic to have a little bit of time off from the heart-wrenching happenings on the home front.

On the drive home I shared with my girlfriend how I’ve always felt like I fall short of the ideal nurturing mother.  I see other moms who can love and embrace their children with such an open heart.  I want to be that kind of mom and I consistently feel like I’m not that.  As if there is something wrong with me.

During the course of the conversation, my girlfriend asked me something like, “Has it always been this challenging with your daughter?  Or is this something new?”

I immediately began telling her how traumatic and dramatic our relationship has always been – right down to the pregnancy.  I hated being pregnant.  It was 9 months of pms-ing.  Then she was almost 2 weeks overdue and I was ginormous.  I was more than 200 pounds and my body didn’t even feel like mine anymore.  Then while giving birth – which was actually my favorite part of being pregnant – the umbilical cord was wrapped 3 times around her neck.  The doctor had to cut it off while she was still in the birth canal and the medical staff had to thump her 9 pound 9 ounce body to get the oxygen flowing.  Then we found out she had congenital hypothyroidism, which left untreated in newborns will lead to mental & physical retardation.  Then when she was about a month old I had a grand mal seizure and was hospitalized.  Within one month’s time we both had had life threatening experiences.  Yeah, I would say the trauma and drama has been intense right from the start.

But then, the coolest thing happened.  I heard God whisper in my ear, “You see how challenging this experience has been for you?  Can you give yourself a break now?”

My heart began to soften and I heard, “Can you give yourself credit for having made it through all of it?”

More softening, “Can you let yourself be good enough?”

And in that moment all the masks and barriers I had put up to hide from not feeling good enough came tumbling down.  My heart filled with compassion and I leaned into the warm, understanding and loving presence of God.  I stopped resisting the past, my daughter and myself.  I stopped judging the trauma and drama.  I simply let myself be embraced, loved and nurtured for who I am right now and everything I have ever been.

It was an amazing moment of transformation as my “not-nurturing-enough” story melted into an extraordinary experience of love.

Tags: God, love, nurturing, Parenting

Oh I’ve missed you guys!  I’ve been sick for almost 2 weeks.  Acccckkkk!

But, I’m almost back to full health…no wait…allow me to reframe:

I AM BACK TO FULL HEALTH!!!!

I am full of energy.  And I am full of joy and appreciation for a pain-free throat and a clear nose that I can breathe through.  Woohoo!  It feels good to be back to my usual sense of gratitude and endless possibilities.

So I’m curious.  What do you do when you are sick? Do you give yourself the time and space to recover? Or do you beat yourself up for needing the down time?  It’s such a challenge isn’t it?!

I’ve gotta admit that last week I bounced back and forth in between nurturing my body and attacking myself for not being able to do everything I had scheduled and wanted to do.  But, this is what I know:

When the body needs rest and recuperation, the body needs rest and recuperation.

And in the future whenever I am in less than full health, I am willing to commit to give myself full permission to clear my schedule, rest, and nurture my body.  The sooner I take care of me, the sooner I can get back to my regularly scheduled life!

Tags: body, health, nurturing, sick

Give to Humanity… (repost)

Photo artwork by ~Aphrodite

Read the articles that inspired these comments:

I wrote, “The best and most rewarding moves in life are those we make with our eyes closed and heart’s wide open.”

Inspiration from Another little boy I once spent a lot of time with. written by Sarcastic Mom

I wrote, “Oh my goodness…thank you so much for writing this beautiful article! It’s about time we bust through the illusion of heart-breaking perfectionism and realize that true perfection is when we embrace our humanity…messy houses, dirty kids, and all.”

Inspiration from Motherhood: It Just Ain’t Natural written by Lotus Carroll

I wrote, “What an awesome tribute to nurturing yourself through the natural (and unstoppable) flow of life. You are an awesome mom! BTW, this is my first time to your blog and it is *BEAUTIFUL*!”

Inspiration from Weaning Myself written by growing a life

I wrote, “Embracing and exposing your humanity – like you did in this post – is one of the greatest and best gifts to give your daughters. You are an incredibly strong woman and mother.”

Inspired by The Powerlessness of Three written by The Wink

I highly recommend reading all of them. They are amazing!

{on another note – I’m still on holiday, but I return this afternoon and promise to share photos. Lots and lots of photos. }

Tags: bloggers, blogging, Family, humanity, motherhood, naked, nurturing, perfection