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Jul 28 2008

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The Breast Spa {part 3}

Posted at 9:00 pm under Family & Parenting,Health & Body

Pink Comfort

I searched the wall for something, anything to hold my attention away from the poking and prodding I knew was going on. I settled on counting the dots on the ceiling tiles, which got old quick. So instead I searched for groups of three dots. I like things that come in threes – just like my two sisters and me.

“Can you feel this?” he wondered.

“No,” I answered honestly. Couldn’t feel a thing. Not the needle prick. Not even the loneliness.

“Okay. Can I have an 18 gauge needle please?” he asked her.

Crap! Why the heck do I have to know that that’s a huge needle?!

I searched the ceiling frantically for the next bundle of three. There’s one!

Okay, now breathe.

I noticed that my leg muscles were tensed and I slowly released the tension. I remembered how when I gave birth I learned how to relax through the pain, which really helped relieve it. But, in all honesty, I wasn’t in any pain as the doctor inserted his large needle into my breast and pressed into the cyst. Too bad for me it wasn’t a fragile bubble of fluid just waiting to be popped. Nope. Instead the cyst turned out to be as hard to crack as a walnut.

The doctor would lean into the needle in order to penetrate the cyst and each time he applied more pressure I would tense and hold my breath. I was seriously afraid he would push too hard and the needle would slip puncturing the dreaded vessel again. I fought back the bloody images.

Instead I searched the trios of dots looking for anything that resembled the flowers on my sister Nancy’s blouse. When I was in labor with Carina, Nancy was my coach and she wore this v-neck t-shirt with tiny pink flowers all over it. When I had contractions I would immerse myself in the flowers, grip her hand, and the pain would subside even when the contractions didn’t stop. I remember feeling so safe with her by my side and I lay there alone in the breast spa wishing she was there with me.

“Got it! Can I have a 5 cc tube please?” he asked her.

“What color is it?” I asked and looked towards him for the first time since being poked.

“It’s greenish brown, which means that there is no need to send it to the lab.” He held up the tube of fluid he had withdrawn from my boob. It looked reddish brown to me, but it didn’t really matter as long as it was normal cyst fluid that doesn’t even need to be tested for cancer.

For the first time through this whole lumpy bumpy breast ordeal, there was quantifiable, touchable proof that I don’t have cancer. Yay! It’s such a relief to climb off this huge table, strip the cotton robe, and skip on outta here without waiting for more test results. I’ll take my deflated, but healthy boob with me and see ya in 6 months for a check-up. Thanks, Doc!

The Breast Spa {part 1}
The Breast Spa {part 2}

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View Comments

  • Larissa

    Cassandra –

    It is really an experience to feel right along side with you during your visit. I am so glad it’s over now and is just something you can write about. Thank you for sharing!
    -Larissa

  • http://simplewayscoaching.com/resource Cassandra Rae

    Hi Larissa ~

    And thank you for taking this journey with me, both through my blog and in person. It really means a lot to me to receive your support. Life is better with you in it :~)

    Hugs ~
    Cassandra

  • http://tropicofmom.com Holly

    Oh my goodness! I don’t think I breathed until the end of that post. Hurray for you!

    I love your new blog look! Except — I can’t see what I’m typing!

  • http://www.momisodes.com Sandy (Momisodes)

    I honestly think I held my breath the whole way through this post. And in the end, I let out a sigh of relief. I am so glad to hear all is well, and you were able to walk out that day with some reassurance. *hugs*

  • http://simplewayscoaching.com/resource Cassandra Rae

    Aw…thanks for holding your breath for me ladies! I mean, thank you for breathing too :~)

    But, seriously it’s nice to know that the writing style is working. I’ve been playing around with writing a story-like account of my experience and it truly helped me process the experience at a deeper level. It’s so awesome to share it with you.

    Thanks for the love & hugs :~)

  • http://inkcicles.blogspot.com Nancy Grant

    I was holding my breath the practically the whole time I was reading your experience. Can you hold my hand? I had no clue that you remembered the shirt I was wearing when you gave birth to Beanie. Wow! I wish I could of been there for you through this too. I would of went to the Dr’s appointments if you wanted me to. Blood and gooey stuff only makes me whoozy sometimes. :-)

    I love you Cassandra. I am so thankful that it wasn’t cancer too.

    Thanks so much for sharing.

    :-)

  • http://simplewayscoaching.com/resource Cassandra Rae

    Hi Nancy ~

    You were actually a momumental part of my birthing experience. There were lots of other people there, even Mom and Carina’s dad. But, you were the one who took care of me. You breathed with me, counted with me, watched the monitor with me, and got the nurse for me when I needed her. Remember how you told the nurse that you thought I was close to delivery and she didn’t believe you. And then with the next contraction I had an overwhelming desire to push. You were right. I was close to delivery and you knew because you were there. Really there for me. I guess I’ve never told you before how much it means to me that you went through the whole process with me.

    You know, come to think of it, I guess I also haven’t been very good at fully expressing to you how much you mean to me. Nancy, you’ve been like a mother to me. I think part of why I’ve struggled with our relationship in the past is because I’ve held some pretty high expectations of you. I haven’t been fair and I’m sorry. I guess what I’m learning is that the reason why I felt hurt and angry is because I care so much about you and our relationship.

    I really appreciate your willingness to listen and to connect via our blogs. It’s a nice healthy distance for me where I feel safe sharing from parts of me that have felt too afraid to speak up in the past.

    I love you, Sis.

    Hugs ~
    Cassandra

  • http://andreslange.blogspot.com/ Andre S. Lange

    Cassandra
    Just caught up on your “Boobie” saga….wow, what a scare! Very happy that it turned out all ok. Brave of you to write about it so directly. You continue to impress me with your strength and passions. Must admit the title caught my eye!

    Andre S. Langes last blog post..Hope

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